Saw it on TV
Jun/17/2009
Back in
the old days, before everybody hated advertising,
lots of American consumers thought that ads were
informative and even helpful. In the 70’s, one
legendary ad man claimed that consumer perceptions
about advertisements were such that ads had become
almost like an organic part of the product. Just the
fact that a product was advertised had become a de
facto reason for consumers to buy it. The ad guy
didn’t claim that this made any sense, only that it
seemed to happen.
Which brings us to the As Seen on TV™ store at your local mall. This store’s existence is just not logical. Maybe products on tv are a little like celebrities, and people want be near them, but it seems like shopping at the As Seen on TV™ store is like going to a concert where you’ve never heard of the scheduled performers and the only information you have is that they’ve all sung in the shower.
Would you shop at the We Also Have a Store in Uzbekistan store? How about the We Only Hire Caucasian Clerks store? That’s what I thought.
Having said all that, let’s go into one of these stores and check out some of their stuff. (We’ll do it through the magic of delusional thinking. Ready? .............. Okay, we’re in the store now.) Over there on the right is the Flowbee™, the “precision home haircutting system.” You hook up your vacuum to the trimmer (keeps hair off the carpet), then you give your best pal a haircut. What’s not to love? Where else could you take part in a personal grooming session where the participants have to shout over the typhoon-like roar of a vacuum cleaner?
“DO YOU WANT IT TAPERED IN THE BACK?”
“WHAT?”
Moving further along the aisle, we find the Beverage Warmer with the Built-in 4-port USB Hub™. This product is so desirable it doesn’t even need a glowing description.
Finally, we have the The Hot Dog Express Rotary Grill with Bun Warming Lid™. Why would you ever need a teflon frying pan when you can hoist this guy onto the counter, warm ‘er up, cook 20 or 30 hot dogs, then spend a half hour taking it apart, wiping off the grease, cleaning and reassembling it...
I’ll pretty much guarantee that this baby will go into your storage unit before you can say, “Can’t we just use the microwave?”
I won’t say that the As Seen on TV™ store is a sign of the apocalypse, but it looks like a move in that direction.
Which brings us to the As Seen on TV™ store at your local mall. This store’s existence is just not logical. Maybe products on tv are a little like celebrities, and people want be near them, but it seems like shopping at the As Seen on TV™ store is like going to a concert where you’ve never heard of the scheduled performers and the only information you have is that they’ve all sung in the shower.
Would you shop at the We Also Have a Store in Uzbekistan store? How about the We Only Hire Caucasian Clerks store? That’s what I thought.
Having said all that, let’s go into one of these stores and check out some of their stuff. (We’ll do it through the magic of delusional thinking. Ready? .............. Okay, we’re in the store now.) Over there on the right is the Flowbee™, the “precision home haircutting system.” You hook up your vacuum to the trimmer (keeps hair off the carpet), then you give your best pal a haircut. What’s not to love? Where else could you take part in a personal grooming session where the participants have to shout over the typhoon-like roar of a vacuum cleaner?
“DO YOU WANT IT TAPERED IN THE BACK?”
“WHAT?”
Moving further along the aisle, we find the Beverage Warmer with the Built-in 4-port USB Hub™. This product is so desirable it doesn’t even need a glowing description.
Finally, we have the The Hot Dog Express Rotary Grill with Bun Warming Lid™. Why would you ever need a teflon frying pan when you can hoist this guy onto the counter, warm ‘er up, cook 20 or 30 hot dogs, then spend a half hour taking it apart, wiping off the grease, cleaning and reassembling it...
I’ll pretty much guarantee that this baby will go into your storage unit before you can say, “Can’t we just use the microwave?”
I won’t say that the As Seen on TV™ store is a sign of the apocalypse, but it looks like a move in that direction.
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