Help me, I need to stop thinking

Yesterday morning I woke up early, and before I knew what was happening I started thinking again. It kept going 'round and 'round in my head: should I spend the day studying existentialism or buying jewelry? Now, I hear you, you're saying to yourself, "The best way for you to stop dwelling on chaos and absurdity is to get a gold chain."

The only thing I would add to that is, "Or a watch." Jewelry is really all about shimmering. Each time you move around you get a little shimmering going on. As the shimmerettes appear in your peripheral vision they work to take your mind off the spectacularly heavy concepts that you should probably try to avoid: things like self-determination or whether to get the Corolla with a moonroof.

I suppose that crystal chandeliers might serve the same purpose. I was thinking about putting several in each room so that when I'm walking around I always have little sparkly things visible out of the corner of my eye, distracting me from unproductive thoughts. You know, crap like "Is there a transcendent force or is it just you and me, baby?"

Spending time on stuff like that will make the Rolex Oyster Perpetual a much more distant reality. And that, dear friend, will put you on the path to boredom, alienation, and nothingness.


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